Post Africa Update 1: The Black Sheep (4/8/2010)

This one does not belong.

Why? Because i'm home. And I have found Myself.

I have returned, O I have returned. And it is a nice thing.
It is a nice thing to have brewed coffee. It's a nice thing to have a working police force. It's a nice thing to have some dear friends back. It's a nice thing to worship as a body. It's a nice thing to be done with Malarone. It's a nice thing to blend in, too.

And here i discover homogeny. Which is a word.
There is an interesting fact of life. Fish do not know they are wet. Until, that is, they study abroad for two months. Then they arrive home. And they know. They are wet.

And I do not mean from the rain. Pause the seriousness for an anecdote: we had major flooding in the last campsite. Our tent became a waterbed, literally floating up around us, until we evacuated and dragged our boat/tent to higher ground. Our rubber floor was waterproof, so the four inch river that begged entry from our front door was relatively unsuccessful.

But no, that is not why I am wet. I am wet because I am surrounded, by a culture that I do not see, yet flows everywhere that I feel at home.
In my eyes, everywhere else there exists a culture, a people, a unique thing, a different thing. But not here. Here is natural culture. Here are grounds from which to analyze the world.
In my eyes, here is culture. There is a culture, but here is culture. Do you see the difference? If you do, perhaps you know you're wet. If you don't, you're wet. Like me.

Example in point- I always knew there were a lot of white people at Furman. But now, it is a striking novelty. It is strange, new, unique and different. This is not the world as it is, anymore. It is an unforeseen culture, which yes i knew was present. But it is a funny thing to return to.

A friend on the trip mentioned this reality to me. They said that me, white, standing out in Africa was the same as a black student at Furman. And I felt it might be an exaggeration. At Furman, there is a common language, common food, common spaces, after all.

But, then, in Africa, there was a common language too [English]. And common food. And spaces.

I think my friend was more accurate than I at first recognized.

I think part of culture shock is the realization that to belong can sometimes be a choice, and sometimes it cannot. I did not have the choice to 'belong', to blend in, to be part of the many cultures. But on my return, i can choose whether or not to again belong to this culture, in which so much of my allegiance lies unbeknownst and unquestioned.

It is a strange chance to be born again, should I choose so to do. To be new to a culture I've always known, to embrace and be embraced by it.
To be free to just live, to just do it. To not think about the hard things, the big things. They say ignorance is bliss.
But it does not exist.
And, really, it's not that great.

And if you know me well, you know that's not what I want anyway. It's not something i chose, nor something i'm choosing now.

Culture shock is not as harrowing for me as I had expected. It is not so scary, as some thought it would be. I am stable. I am rejoicing in God, celebrating in His calling here. I am pursuing opportunities this summer to chase Him further. I am excited, and I am growing. Yet, I am stable. Not because I found myself in Africa. And not because I find myself here. On Christ I stand, and I'm born in Him alone. I am learning to jump the kraal and the tank, because neither is suitable for my calling. Nor is it suitable for yours.

I am not sure if this is the last email. You can ensure that it is your last by requesting to come off the list. I will again cry, but what with the workload of late i'm braced for tears anyhow ;)

In Africa, I am the black sheep. In America, I am the fish. In God, I am human. And I'll choose to find Myself in that.

-drew

Africa Update 5: Fifth (3/15/2010)

No time for style. This is it, folks, this is it. Tomorrow we begin to move for the Border, beginning our treks through the bush of Botswana. I am amped beyond measure. We're getting to jump into Zimbabwe to see victoria falls, hanging with the San Bushmen, canoeing past hippos, and riding giraffes.

We probably will not ride giraffes. But a boy can dream.

Yesterday, brief rundown-
-breakfast run to supermarket. Ate an 'American Doughnut'. it was not an American Doughnut, but points for trying.
-sandboarding in the Namib, the dune-desert outside of Swakopmund. The riding was unreal, but the climbing back to the top of the dunes was very much real, and my calfs are feeling it. 80-90 meter climbs after each go- it'll wear you out. But the breeze was fantastic, and they gave us a DVD, so no worries.
-met with a church planter from Antioch Church in Waco, TX. He knows louie giglio, did ministiry in somalia, and is starting a pizza place. Wow. Ever heard of the 'business as ministry model' (BAM)? interesting idea. Making tents=making pizza. I get it.
-had some worship, prayer, and scriptures with some folks in the group. It was good. We prayed hard, sang a-capela, and read much. Some of our prayers have already been answered. He's a good father, you know.

Thoughts. Emotions are not meant to make our decisions. Most believe that. However, neither is pure reason. Both are from God, yet both are broken as a result of sin. Scripture says 'where is the scholar of our age?', talking of man's wisdom as incomplete. We are called to act in Christ, to discern what is best by the spirit. What does that look like, exactly? I think it has much to do with checking our emotions and our logic against scripture, against a revealed God who has spoken in His Word and still speaks to us. But it's easier said than done. We've had several debates, one in particular, where i have felt reason and emotion dominate. And these are good. But i don't think they're enough, though my heart runs to them long before i run to prayer. Really, i think they're easier. There's less risk involved. I can order my life on reason, and if God fails to come through, then i'm still standing on reason. I can order my life on my emotion, and if God does not act, i can claim betrayal. It all felt right, it was in love, in passion. I have an internal parachute.

What i've found, as i argue (usually from reason), is that I lose sight of a big God. In fact, my God becomes small. My faith is riddled with contingencies, much like my prayers. "Heal him, Father. But, if you don't, give him Your peace." or "Go, and sin no more. But if you're going to sin, at least be safe." Where is the power of the gospel? The confidence in the blood of Christ? We claim that when Jesus speaks the mountains throw themselves into the sea. Yet we define man as too stubborn a subject. I firmly believe that the gospel is it, the end-all, be-all of it-all. But if it's so, I must be willing to throw the rest away- even my feelings, even my educated reason. As Paul wrote, 'all else i consider waste when compared to knowing my God.' Again 'while i was with you, i resolved to know nothing except the gospel, that i would not speak in human wisdom but in the spirit's power'. 'What i want to do, i do not do, and what i do not want to do, I do.' neither my feelings nor my logic have room enough for my God. i pray for the faith to let go of both.

I also pray for 9 month old Micah, a child, soon to be the adopted nephew of a friend of mine. He has Hep B (medically incurable), and is being retested for HIV. He was first found positive, but the initial testing is often masked by the mother's state (HIV positive). If he has HIV as well as Hep B, the medicines conflict. Pray that the test will come back negative. We are praying for a miracle. We are praying for a Big God to act, in ways that go beyond reason. But i believe it's possible. Pray fervently, unceasing. The test will come while we are in the bush, so we won't know the results. It gives us all more time to pray in faith. So pray, fervently, unceasing. I let you know.

Pray for us to love eachother as well. With a broken washer, we stink, literally. I'mn out of shirts, and shorts. We need some grace, and some shiny white robes would be nice, too.


I had another email written, but time ran out and it got deleted. As i re-write it here, it's completely different. I pray that God is at work in it, and they you are encouraged, blessed, and that God uses me in this somehow.

i'm out of time, and i will see you all soon.