This will be a collection of thoughts, ideas, snippets. A smorgasbord, if you will.
Love always trusts, always hopes.
-----
We gather as drawn
Moons to their Jupiter
Earths to their Star
And circle we must
All angles in wonder
As light transpires our atmospheres
until all are warmed, all are fed.
We gather as drawn
Life to the Spring
Streams to the Sea
With all rush of days
And motion coming to stillness
Into the motion of ebb and flow
until all are steady, all are fed.
We gather as drawn
Wheat to its Sower
Sowers to their Home,
As fullness comes
From that once internalized
Taken again, and again
Until all are settled, all are fed.
-----
Wednesday night we had a community meal at the VH. We ate, read 1 Corinthians 13 together. Love always trusts, always hopes.
Then we shared an informal communion together. There is no way we could agree on the process- symbol? transubstantiation? intersubstantiation? remembrance? I do not myself know. Yet it was the most aware that I have been of sacrament (an outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual grace) in long time. We sat, in a circle with a candle, around Jesus. We read of Jesus, spoke of His life and death, His sacrifice for us. We prayed to Him together. We took the bread and the wine (that is, Jesus Christ) and gave it, one after the other, around the circle. We offered Jesus to each other and each received Him from the other. That, my dear friends, is Christian community. That is Grace, lived with others. That is Sacrament, at least in part.
-----
Love always trusts, always hopes.
Father, my love must be very small indeed, for I trust You very little, and hope for little.
I have no idea what I'm doing with my life. I have no idea what You're doing with my life.
When I pursue You, usually it's so I can be sure that I know you. That I can be sure my life will be stable, secure, financially feasible. When I minister, so often it is to garner the praise of those around me, not to prove my worth to others as much as to demonstrate, to my own doubting soul, that I am in relationship to You, that I know and love and listen to You. But I do desire influence. I didn't know that until yesterday. I was standing in the restroom in the Pden, at the sinks, and a person from the janitorial staff came in. They kind of avoided eye contact, but in a deferential way. My heart skipped immediately from steadiness to panic as I considered my future. I do not want to do janitorial duties. I want to influence people. I do want people to look up, to see me enter a room and be drawn to me, to ask me questions. I want to command eyes and ears, attention. I want my life to mean something.
Which implies several very sick, very wrong things.
1. Social Power = Meaning. A lie, from the pit of Hell, really.
2. Service Work = Not Meaning. Lie.
3. I > Janitorial Staff. Lie. I react viscerally in such a way as to demonstrate that I believe this lie.
Other lies I believe include: I>The Uneducated, I>The Poor, I>The Socially Awkward, I>The Unorthodox.
Truth:
Jesus=Meaning.
Jesus=Service Work.
Jesus>Me, and yet washed my feet.
Uneducated=Educated=Poor=Rich=Socially Awkward=Socially Apt=Unorthodox=Orthodox
and Jesus=Love, for them all.
I know the Truth, I think. But Truth is of very little importance without Love.
Lord, I am sickened by my pride, and I repent, as much as I can. Change my heart, Lord. Teach me Your Love. To Love. To Trust. To Hope. To Love.
