I write a fair number of blogs that I never post, often ones that are borne of wrestling, struggle, fear, self-focused implosion, that sort of thing. I don't usually post them because I know that, in general, they are a discouragement to me and would be to many of my friends who desire for me to do well. Now, in general, the trajectory of my wrestling out of doubt and into faith, out of despair and into joy, has been onwards and upwards in the past six months. However, I have some days in which I still 'catastrophically spiral' into deep introspection. Generally this is not the trend, but is still present, every once in a while. Often in thinking and wrestling, I write, and here we find the birth of yet another semi-irrational but emotion packed blog post. These I slough off, save into a forbidden journal of dark nights of the soul.* To post in such a state adds permanence to my fears and doubts, and would create an inacurate presentation of my current frame. But, the days, like the posts, do exist, and you should know that I am not yet perfectly faithful or perfectly healed, though I have a perfectly faithful healer. And, should you find yourself in some dark, introspective, catastrophic spiral, I can commiserate, and have much written proof. ;) You are not alone, and that is a good thing to know.
*super melodramatic, but fun to write.
