With a Little Help

I love that Jesus calls us friends. That's a big deal. It's so informal. And unheard of. It puts us on the same level as the Son of God, the everlasting Prince of Peace. Absurd.

My dad and I drove downtown today to pickup some curbed old windows and a desk, with which to repair a greenhouse and a rocking chair, respectfully. But, they were already gone. Alas.

So, headed home, we stopped at a red light. The car to our right was blasting a reggae version of a Beatles song. Do you need anybody? I just need someone to love. Could it be anybody? I just want someone to love.

We pulled into Claire's filling station. I walked over to the laundromat to look at their fancy pocketknives. When I returned, the bill was $18.01 to fill up the little red container, and we had $19.00 cash. Dad asked if I had a penny, and I said no, but I could walk around until I found one. I turned, prayed for a penny, and found a dime. Immediately in my mind was the Beatles chorus: I get by with a little help from my friends. Excellent.

I flicked dad the dime, and he went inside. The cashier (presumably Claire) said, aw, don't worry about the penny. Dad dropped her the dime and said, don't worry about the change.

Good morning.

Three Poems

What do you say to me this morning?

--

I am still fearful of what would be said
should all my secret sins be poured out.
If I told them, all of them, all of it,
I would be plastered with shame.
Yet none from you, Lord God Almighty.
No condemnation for which to quake, no fear.
For your love is greater than my sins,
all poison, black and vile, and real,
denatured, bleached and bathed in myrrh,
and really, truly dead, trod upon by an even more real thing,
your love

--

Why did you give the giraffe a blue tongue?
The neck I can fathom, deep as it may go,
but why did you give the giraffe a blue tongue?
You do not make poorly, create meagerly,
you did not run out of materials, or red paint.
Were you saving it for me? The red, that is, for my tongue and flesh and lips?
Why didn't you give me a blue tongue? Before I ate the blue ice-pop?

--

I know the language
and the game.
They will not assuage
the heartache
that longs for longing
and for love
in me my loving
to flow out
without anxiety
without doubt
of reality
that I know
and yet feel absent.
What say you?

Do not ramble in doubt
it darkens
your counsel to your soul
that needs all
the counseling you know
for truth flows
as a river through it
all. Trust me
when I remind you that
The river flows.
Starting shallow and small
at the table
through the haggard curtain
cut for space
to flow out of the door
to your knees
and before you know it
you can't turn;
the force of the water
unyielding
pressing onto your waist
and you step
because you have to
keep your head
above your four cavities
'til your toes
give leave of the ground
and kick off
to swim the river
to the sea.
It flows. Remember that.

To Sit

I want to share with you the truth,
but you would not be changed.
To lead you behind the curtain,
but the view would not free you
to cease your brokenness.
I want to gather you as a hen gathers her chicks,
but you would have none of it.

I want to tell you again of my desire,
but you would not be changed.
To show you that which I am teaching you,
but you would not be taught.

Oh, the changing comes. Yea, it comes. But not with force.
At least, not with mine.
Yes, the changing comes, and force it requires.
But not mine.

The force of bending, the force of admission,
the force of acceptance, and acknowledgement.

For I have shown you, dear one.
My truth stands not silently by, but sits.
My curtain has been pulled back, divided.
You have been healed, and gathered.
Even as you lay fallen from heights inexorable
you have been collected and healed, and made new. Get up.

No, love no longer stands, but sits with truth
and smiles kindly, deliberately, and says
I am revealed, my love,
with truth and I am deliberate,
to reveal in you that which has been done in me,
and then what is being done in you, in time.

---

Merry Christmas, everyone. Thank you, to my family who love and provide more than I knew I wanted or needed, to my friends who have encouraged me in Christ's work within me, to my God who is patient, so unrelentingly patient.

If you know anyone who would like to teach me woodturning, let me know. I'd like to make a cup.

Again

I've been encouraged to write again. I don't know what to write about, though I'll continue to write as the spirit descends.

But, I'd love to stretch a bit. So, an offering. What would you have me write? What forms/topics would you like me to dig-in to?

Value

There's a regular at Kudu who needs help. I can tell, because of a few things:

1-she gets googlie-eyed whenever a guy gives her attention (including me).
2-she told me that her grades are really bad this (her first) term.
3-I've seen what she wears late at night. Some outfits are meant for partying and getting guys' attention.
4-she's seems to be going on dates with a guy who is WAY too old for her. Big brother instincts kicking in.

She came through with the too-old guy, and it got me talking with a co-worker. Where do we get our value?

Ultimately, because we are made in the image of God, and bought with the life and death of jesus of Nazareth. But how do I open those ideas to a non-christian without scaring him off with God talk? What, in words he can understand, give me (us) value?

Here were my posits:
1-because we can love (God and man)
2-because we can celebrate (aka rejoice, aka glorify, aka worship)
3-because we can create

Which are all part of the nature of God, I think. He loves perfectly, celebrates/rejoices in His completion (John 17, glorify), creates in His image.

But then, wise co-worker answered the questions herself.

She said, "I have value because I'm loved. When I'm driving recklessly down the road, I don't stop because I desire to keep my own life. I stop because of all the love others have for me, because of the pain I would cause them if I was hurt. I have value because I am loved."

Then she talked about her pastor and his kid. "Really, I can't understand love. That so-and-so would love his son, just a crying lump of fat, absolutely worthless, with a love that is deep and strong and true, I can't grasp that. But it's all we really want. It's what people without God live for."

Value because I'm loved. Bingo. Blew my mind. I just wanted to yell it out. I did, taking out the recycling. And several times mopping. Because I'm loved.

Ultimately, pride, my desire to have power and control, is all about me being my own person, outside of the will and action of everyone else. It's me alone. It's me loveless. Valueless.

But if I am loved, and I choose to walk in that love...
If I am chosen, and invited...
If I am loved...

Then, I am.

Just like God.

Because He, first and foremost, is loved. That is where his loving comes from. An eternal circling of love: the Father's of the Son, the Son's of the Spirit, the Spirit's of the Father. And then reverse them all. Trinity life, some call it. Others call it love. Life. Beauty. Joy. Completion. Fulfillment.

Value.

Psalm 61, kind of

I'm praying, I'm singing, Oh God,
Hear me and answer
From the furthest pieces of my motivations, from imperfect grounds I call to you
when my heart is tired, and when I doubt
Lead me to the rock that is more firm that I
Because you have saved me.*
But really, you have. It's Historical.

Can I please experience your presence?**
Can I please be directed by your spirit, filled with your spirit again?***
Because I've been praying, and seeking, albeit with failing motives and misplaced desires,
And moreso because you've called me your son, adopted me into your family.

Jesus, you are king. Live forever.
Would all the generations see your reign of hope and love and peace and joy!
Keep your throne above, and in my heart;
You are steadfast love and faithfulness. Watch over me.

So I will sing more, and pray more, forever;
and every day, in the meantime.

----------

* from anxiety, and from a need to prove myself, and from the need for attention from other people.
**I know I don't always believe it's possible, that you do or want to, but your word says so. (see Acts 3:20)
*** Same doubts, but hoping/expecting. (see Acts 4:31)