Keep My Eyes

A new song, for starters: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PV_6X0wlZvU

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I have seen that I often want to pray for healing because I know I should, and because I fear NOT doing it, fear the Lord's displeasure, fear losing my standing with Him. I know that is wrong. But I'm still fearful, both to pray for the sick and not too. A friend told me this morning to begin asking God for His heart towards the sick when I see them, and let that drive me. Sounds good. I pray for faith.

Here's the problem. I think, deep down, I should pray for nearly every sick person I come across. But I'm dreadfully afraid they won't be healed, because in my experience they haven't always been healed. I don't know how to do it well. Do I press in, praying again and again until they get out of the chair? Because God does not desire sickness, there won't be any in heaven, in His kingdom. Or do I pray once, offer it to God as a child, and then, like a child, say, well, you know best and I trust you? Both seem wonderful, in their own ways. I prefer the second, because it has less to do with me being on the line. But I'm not sure. I know people with powerful healing prayer ministries who have prayed for folks who have not gotten up. I have prayed for people and seen small things healed, and prayed for others and seen nothing at all. And it leaves me afraid.

I have seen that in leading worship, I often struggle to focus on Jesus because I'm analyzing the night, checking and watching for 'the spirit', looking for what's going on, what'll happen next, what to pray/who to pray for. In some ways that is worship, but in a very different way. I'm not reveling in the supreme nature of God, in His love or his grace or his glory. I'm not even always reveling in the complete work of the cross. Often I'm reveling in His present interaction with folks, in His immediate applicability to our days, emotions, fears, exhaustion, confusion. Which is great. But here's another problem. When I don't see God's present interaction or applicability, I struggle to worship. When I'm stressed or distracted, I look for Him to DO something.

In scripture, often the call is to remember God's work. On the Sabbath, particularly, look to what God has done. Manna doesn't fall on the Sabbath; it falls the day before. He has already provided, and it's a day set aside to know that. To remember.

And our memories of God's faithfulness often drive us into worship again. They free us from our introspection and our fears and let us worship loosely, to pray with expectation and to surrender. I don't know how to pray for the sick perfectly, and I don't know how to lead worship perfectly. I honestly don't know how to practice remembering well either. But I think that's something to start with. Starting with what He has done, first and primarily in Jesus. It is sure, it is true. Even When I don't feel a connection to it, when I don't feel overwhelmed by its glory or joy or freedom, it must be my source. Love casts out fear, and Love has come. I have to remember that. Keep my eyes on it.

The snake was lifted up in the wilderness, that the Israelites might look on it and be healed. So too was the Son of Man lifted up. God, give us the grace to keep our eyes on the love become sin, that heals us.