Boldness

After I title a blog, I typically hit tab to shift into the writing space.  Unfortunately, blogspot tends to take the same keystroke to mean 'publish an empty post', which confuses everyone.  So, apologies there.

Boldness.  Something I've been working on.  In the last few weeks I've watched several hours of teaching on the gifts of the Spirit and on evangelism online.  I firmly believe the church is failing to reach out as regularly as it should.  By church, I mean us.  By reaching out as it should, I mean as we should.

We are not reaching out like we should be.

If we really believe what we say, then our hearts should overflow with love for our neighbors.  It doesn't always, I get that.  But, if it's all true, then it should, and anything less than that is missing something.  Being broken people, we will always be missing something, until God sets things straight in the end, somehow.  But in the meantime, we are called to live lives of obedience and love, which requires boldness.

So, boldness.  It's hard for me to be bold in Greenville, because the atmosphere is so closely linked to the fear and anxiety of last year.  It's hard to want God to lead me to people to pray for when I sill feel somewhat unresolved at times, when I still feel tension (which I will probably address in a coming post), or when my friends expect different of me.  Expectations are hard to change, and Greenville feels like it expects introspection and implosion, not joyful serving and loving of those around me.

It's hard for me to be bold around people that are/know my family.  Not my immediate family.  Frankly, they're ballers who love the Lord and who are limping after Him as all we broken people are.  But they love me and support bold things.  I'm more concerned with my extended family, because I just don't know how they'd react if an old friend told them their cousin/grandson/nephew was seen laying hands on somebody and praying for healing just off Maybank highway in broad daylight.

It's hard for me to be bold when I've knowingly not been attentive to the Spirit.  Happened this weekend.  I knew God might call me NOT to spend time with an old acquaintance, but I wanted to anyway, and so I didn't ask.  Sin.  And that messes with you, for obvious reasons (Isaiah 59:2).

Last week the Lord led me to repentance there, just reminding me of how good His is, of how rich life is with Him.  It was beautiful.  But this morning, I am once again intimidated by men and their judgements, which is ridiculous.  The Lord is good, and He loves me, but I'm still anxious about it.  I know the Lord loves them, and is good, and He healed Chris last week when I reached out to pray for Him at Juanita Greenberg's.  Lord, you were there, directed my words, and healed his back.  I felt your leading, and was quick to respond.  If I'm not quick to obey, then I'm quick to get introspective and frustrated, which mixes my motives all up.  And so I'm sitting at a coffee shop, wondering if I should talk to the lady behind the counter and ask if she has a hip problem (because it's the first thing to come to mind), or whether I should walk back across the street and pray for the guy with the cane over there.  Hm.