To Pierce My Ear

If God moved in Charleston,

if there was a revival- would I be pleased

even if I had nothing to do with it?

Would I be satisfied to see churches grow

worship nights expand, spread, deepen,

even If I did not lead them on?

If I was not chosen to lead the charge

would I run behind the horses

and fight for the order, the cosmos in chaos?

Will I celebrate the kingdom

if I am not the king?

I am a leader, and have been blessed to lead.

The times I have walked closest with You,

the times I have seen fruit most clearly,

are those when I listen and speak, when I am charged to lead,

when my friends look to me for help,

when I with tasseled mantle beckon, and grin, and pray.

And I enjoy it.  And I am affirmed in it.

Yet, where I am, I stand as a mute prophet among the peoples,

and a heart in the wilderness.

Or, perhaps I desire to be a voice,

and yet only see wilderness.

Let me cry out, then.

Let me worship, then,

lead the angels, if they would follow.

Let me write for the readers I will never know;

let me write to You, my Master, whom I will.

I will pierce my ear myself, as You were pierced.

I will no longer claim Your inheritance.

I would not kill Your Son again, or beat His body here.

I will offer You my harvest freely, in Your time;

In the season of fruit that You have ordained,

I will return Your investments.

I will give all that You allow me to gain,

the firstfruits,

And I will let You keep the rest

because it was never mine to let.

And I will enjoy the wine that You offer,

the bread of Your table,

for truly it is more filling

and more sating

than the vinegar of power,

and the crusts of position.

And because You are the Celebrant of the feast,

the High Host, in robes of white,

and I would that my robes be of Your linens,

a fairer cloth than that which I weave

with needles, meant only to be flagposts

on which to hoist Your glory.

-

To be frank, this morning I realized that I am jealous of others' advancement, particularly in a season in which I desire to do more and yet am aware of little progress.  The parable of the tenants who kill the heir for his inheritance has been heavy on me the last few days, and this became the lens through which I viewed my jealousy.  The scripture from Matthew, in which the wedding feast is offered to the outcasts, one of whom is cast out because of his improper attire, forms another dimension of prayer and analysis here.  Lastly, the way in which a slave's ear is pierced, in Exodus, when he loves his master enough to stay past the maximum six years of service.  And, yes, I am considering it (the earring); though if I ever will do it, I'm not sure.  I'm up for suggestions.

How's the new format?  Felt easier to read, for me.