I suppose you should know that I am dating a friend of mine*. It has and will influence my thoughts, and my prayers, and even my perception of God; all things for which I am grateful.
We went to see a friend get baptized a few Sundays ago. It was a beautiful moment. He was asked who he proclaimed as Lord, and my friend practically shouted 'Jesus Christ!'. It gave me chills. To see, enacted, what I believe has happened internally, is a stunning thing. Sacraments. Still not sure what to make of them, but they are wonderful.
But the experience was not the easiest, particularly for my girlfriend. Returning to her old church brought back hard memories, things with which she had not dealt in years. She wrapped her arm around mine, and it seemed the slightest expression of affection, but primarily a clinging for strength. I didn't know what troubled her, or how to respond at all, but I felt a joyful responsibility there. I never want to be the hope to which she clings**, but I prayed that somehow I might be to her God's comforting presence. If the Spirit dwells in me, it's not a stretch, to be manifest the love of God. We the church are called His body, and we were created as His idols, images, representatives. Thus my desire, strongly present but which I did not entirely understand, was a desire not to be god, but to manifest God. I desired to comfort, to be an instrument of comfort, by connecting her to the Comforter, much as one sharing scripture with another can be the very voice of God. Though I had no strength worth mentioning in myself, I desired her to be steadied far above the storms, and prayed that I might be a part of that grounding.
And it occurred to me that the most attractive part of a human relationship was not receiving, but serving.
Now, ye southern religious were likely taught that it is theoretically better to give than to receive. I was. But it had never struck me so powerfully that what I desired, my created purpose, was to serve. To love.
And I could not process that all at once. While I was driving and praying about why the morning had seemed so momentous to me, the passage when Jesus washes His disciples' feet came to mind. Meditating on that as I shopped for groceries and walked around town brought much of this to the surface.
In hearing Lizzy's struggles and fears, and submitting them to a God of
strength, love, and peace, I was carried into His presence with her. There is something about participating in what God is
doing that knits me to Him. Discipleship is similar- I often
grow most deeply as I walk alongside another. And as I saw pain, and
called upon the Balm to heal, I found great joy, joy in turmoil and
pain, but joy. And I learned, just a very small bit, about being the presence of God.
---------
* Elizabeth Willingham. She is wonderfully pretty, a phenomenal photographer, and loves well. More than that, she is loved incredibly by God, and so is undeniably beautiful. Way out of my league.
** She brought this up with me after the Lord brought it up to her on a run. Baller status.
Friday, January 25, 2013
Monday, January 21, 2013
Calling and Freedom
It is interesting that many of the people I love and trust most have the hardest time 'knowing the will of God'. These folks are submitted to their Lord beyond comfort, beyond ease, and so are willing to do whatever. They pray prayers like, “I'll do whatever, Lord, just lead me”. And then they wait for direction. It seems to rarely come, and thus many of my friends feel trapped in some spiritual doldrums. They wish to obey, wish to do great things, to honor God and follow His every beck and call- yet His beckoning seems obscure, and His call abstract. And in some cases, silent.
I'm reading first and second Samuel, and the stories of the kings have long engaged my heart. Saul, anointed as king in a chance encounter with the prophet Samuel, is instructed specifically to do several things. You will go here and meet these folks and do these sacrifices and prophecy. I imagine Saul, oil still dripping from his brow, nodding, mouth agape, stunned. I'm king, and no one knows it; the highest spiritual authority in the land just told me so, and gave me homework. He can barely take it in. One of those moments in which you store information to think through later, because while the moment persists, you simply cannot process what is happening.
But Samuel finishes instructing Saul as though attempting to induce vocational whiplash. He says, "Now when these signs meet you, do what your hand finds to do, for God is with you. Then go down to Gilgal..." and the specific instructions continue.
But they don't continue for long, and that one line I believe holds the key to our understanding of vocation and calling.
Saul was anointed for a specific task. And he knew it, because he was told. But in other matters, he was 'instructed' (read: freed) to do 'what your hand finds to do.' His hand. Not his conscience, his theologies, his rabbis, his intellect. His hand. That's about as far from a 'theological discernment of vocation' as we can get. Do whatever you end up doing. Why? Because the Lord is with you.
I would feel very secure with a checklist. And apparently, God sometimes uses them. Jesus tells some to sell everything, others to go home. But still others He simply joins for dinner and celebrates their unsolicited responses as righteous.
I so greatly fear that my response, my life, my worship will be inadequate. Probably because I have an accurate perception of my iniquity [my inborn proclivity to failure]. I will never be, do, say enough. And despair would be an appropriate response, were it not for grace.
Saul is freed to do whatever he will do simply because God is with him. After Samuel speaks, Saul turns to go, and the scripture says that "God gave him another heart." Just like that. Unmerited, by previous behavior nor (clearly) by future obedience. God, in His benevolence to Saul and to His people, acted, and so Saul was changed, and freed, according to Samuel's words.
Saul must wait to become king, and David after him waits much longer. A calling does not always produce immediate change or position; it is simply a setting of course, be it through storm or sunshine. Thus patience and obedience is the proper response to a life with the Lord. You are more than likely confident in some form of calling on you by God, if you know Him. So press on into what you know.
But for those areas in which we are not sure, in the eighty-percent of life that we just can't make head nor tail of, we have a hope and a freedom to act as we see fit. For if we are in Christ, we have been chosen, anointed, called, and freed to do... whatever our hands find to do. For we are new creations, with new hearts, and God is with us.
----
Some parameters: Saul ultimately crumbled. Thus, the freedom Samuel offered was not the freedom to do whatever he wanted. Neither is our freedom. Saul's freedom was instead limited by scripture, by community, by spiritual authority, and by prayer. So is ours, and we should come to these sources of direction first when faced with major decisions. However, direction is not always forthcoming, or clear, from these sources; then we must choose between floundering in indecisive despair and stepping forward in freedom. Fearful indecision places our hope and salvation in making the right decision, while walking in freedom (if submitted to the Lord in the many ways He does direct) trusts in His goodness to lead us, and to redeem even our missteps. Freedom is contingent on our submission to the Lord, but relies and hopes in His sovereign love. Any claim to freedom that disobeys standing direction is therefore illegitimate, and unholy. It is, in fact, not freedom at all, but slavery to sin.
I'm reading first and second Samuel, and the stories of the kings have long engaged my heart. Saul, anointed as king in a chance encounter with the prophet Samuel, is instructed specifically to do several things. You will go here and meet these folks and do these sacrifices and prophecy. I imagine Saul, oil still dripping from his brow, nodding, mouth agape, stunned. I'm king, and no one knows it; the highest spiritual authority in the land just told me so, and gave me homework. He can barely take it in. One of those moments in which you store information to think through later, because while the moment persists, you simply cannot process what is happening.
But Samuel finishes instructing Saul as though attempting to induce vocational whiplash. He says, "Now when these signs meet you, do what your hand finds to do, for God is with you. Then go down to Gilgal..." and the specific instructions continue.
But they don't continue for long, and that one line I believe holds the key to our understanding of vocation and calling.
Saul was anointed for a specific task. And he knew it, because he was told. But in other matters, he was 'instructed' (read: freed) to do 'what your hand finds to do.' His hand. Not his conscience, his theologies, his rabbis, his intellect. His hand. That's about as far from a 'theological discernment of vocation' as we can get. Do whatever you end up doing. Why? Because the Lord is with you.
I would feel very secure with a checklist. And apparently, God sometimes uses them. Jesus tells some to sell everything, others to go home. But still others He simply joins for dinner and celebrates their unsolicited responses as righteous.
I so greatly fear that my response, my life, my worship will be inadequate. Probably because I have an accurate perception of my iniquity [my inborn proclivity to failure]. I will never be, do, say enough. And despair would be an appropriate response, were it not for grace.
Saul is freed to do whatever he will do simply because God is with him. After Samuel speaks, Saul turns to go, and the scripture says that "God gave him another heart." Just like that. Unmerited, by previous behavior nor (clearly) by future obedience. God, in His benevolence to Saul and to His people, acted, and so Saul was changed, and freed, according to Samuel's words.
Saul must wait to become king, and David after him waits much longer. A calling does not always produce immediate change or position; it is simply a setting of course, be it through storm or sunshine. Thus patience and obedience is the proper response to a life with the Lord. You are more than likely confident in some form of calling on you by God, if you know Him. So press on into what you know.
But for those areas in which we are not sure, in the eighty-percent of life that we just can't make head nor tail of, we have a hope and a freedom to act as we see fit. For if we are in Christ, we have been chosen, anointed, called, and freed to do... whatever our hands find to do. For we are new creations, with new hearts, and God is with us.
----
Some parameters: Saul ultimately crumbled. Thus, the freedom Samuel offered was not the freedom to do whatever he wanted. Neither is our freedom. Saul's freedom was instead limited by scripture, by community, by spiritual authority, and by prayer. So is ours, and we should come to these sources of direction first when faced with major decisions. However, direction is not always forthcoming, or clear, from these sources; then we must choose between floundering in indecisive despair and stepping forward in freedom. Fearful indecision places our hope and salvation in making the right decision, while walking in freedom (if submitted to the Lord in the many ways He does direct) trusts in His goodness to lead us, and to redeem even our missteps. Freedom is contingent on our submission to the Lord, but relies and hopes in His sovereign love. Any claim to freedom that disobeys standing direction is therefore illegitimate, and unholy. It is, in fact, not freedom at all, but slavery to sin.
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Prayer, about Friendship and Other Things
From my journal, 1/7/2013
Lord, greatest friend,
You know brokeness so deeply, so purely. You are holy, and righteous, and broken, and near. You are closer than a brother. How should I view friendships? I think of those I value highly, for faith and brokenness and submission. Humility.
Their qualities?
-Submissive. They are surrendered to the Lord to the point of suffering.
-Idealist. They desire the best, not to get by, and so are sad.
-Steady. They rely on a higher power, a greater truth.
-Humble. They listen, know they have no monopoly. Slow to speak.
-Lover of Beauty. Music. Silence.
-Repentant. They live with one foot trailing behind, ready to repent or bow.
They have ground plowed and ready for Your rains, and for crops of joy. It doesn't even have to be present yet- but I know it can come.
Basically, the fruit of the Spirit. The very things I admire are those which You create. I am drawn to worship by friends like these. They are those before whom I stand unworthy and wondrously grateful. You have placed eternity in their hearts, and let me perceive it, even begin to plumb it, though I will never reach its bottom. Bless them with joy, joy that is deeply flowing from Your pure well.
They are those who are most out of Your way, through whom Your Spirit is most free to flow, and in whom You are most free to dwell.
Help me to love and guard them.
----
That You would wash my feet, Lord. Jesus, it makes me uncomfortable. I squirm, that God and King would stoop so low. You will see so much. I have much caked to my feet, beneath my nails, hiding below. I have much to be embarrassed by, much to be ashamed by.
Yet You have washed me, Lord, and only my feet are now dirty. You have made me clean. Pure. How good You are. How loving, sufficient; how holy, redeeming. Your love. Praise God. I humbly watch, weep, worship as You wash my feet, robed in humility and cloth once again.
Financial Stability. Lord, You are Lord. I trust You with my money. I does not seem likely that I will be sufficient, in any path You lead me down, to provide for a family, a wife, children. Yet, I desire them, and trust You. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
Lead me to Your will, in marriage and career. I will go anywhere, do anything, if You lead and if it will draw me nearer to You. I love You Lord.
My lifegroup, Father. Guide us, guard us, equip us. I wait on You. Speak to us.
Lord, greatest friend,
You know brokeness so deeply, so purely. You are holy, and righteous, and broken, and near. You are closer than a brother. How should I view friendships? I think of those I value highly, for faith and brokenness and submission. Humility.
Their qualities?
-Submissive. They are surrendered to the Lord to the point of suffering.
-Idealist. They desire the best, not to get by, and so are sad.
-Steady. They rely on a higher power, a greater truth.
-Humble. They listen, know they have no monopoly. Slow to speak.
-Lover of Beauty. Music. Silence.
-Repentant. They live with one foot trailing behind, ready to repent or bow.
They have ground plowed and ready for Your rains, and for crops of joy. It doesn't even have to be present yet- but I know it can come.
Basically, the fruit of the Spirit. The very things I admire are those which You create. I am drawn to worship by friends like these. They are those before whom I stand unworthy and wondrously grateful. You have placed eternity in their hearts, and let me perceive it, even begin to plumb it, though I will never reach its bottom. Bless them with joy, joy that is deeply flowing from Your pure well.
They are those who are most out of Your way, through whom Your Spirit is most free to flow, and in whom You are most free to dwell.
Help me to love and guard them.
----
That You would wash my feet, Lord. Jesus, it makes me uncomfortable. I squirm, that God and King would stoop so low. You will see so much. I have much caked to my feet, beneath my nails, hiding below. I have much to be embarrassed by, much to be ashamed by.
Yet You have washed me, Lord, and only my feet are now dirty. You have made me clean. Pure. How good You are. How loving, sufficient; how holy, redeeming. Your love. Praise God. I humbly watch, weep, worship as You wash my feet, robed in humility and cloth once again.
Financial Stability. Lord, You are Lord. I trust You with my money. I does not seem likely that I will be sufficient, in any path You lead me down, to provide for a family, a wife, children. Yet, I desire them, and trust You. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
Lead me to Your will, in marriage and career. I will go anywhere, do anything, if You lead and if it will draw me nearer to You. I love You Lord.
My lifegroup, Father. Guide us, guard us, equip us. I wait on You. Speak to us.
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