Loving My Job

is not natural for me.

I mean, it's easy when the lines are short and tips are high and everyone's in good moods.  The combination from heaven.  But often, the lines are endless, the tips are average, and someone is having a bad day.

And often it feels like a dead end.  The managers/owners are doing a fantastic job pushing forward into new business ventures.  Their goals are to get their staff salaries, maybe even benefits.  They reward hard work and integrity.  Honestly, my bosses are great, and there is room to grow, but I still feel unfulfilled most days.  I miss thinking, fighting through theories and devising new methods of practice.  I miss writing papers, believe it or not.  Even writing about things I don't care about.

And it's taxing to serve constantly.  I spend six hours a day (or more) answering the beck and call of anyone and everyone who passes the curly sentries.  And sometimes it feels absolutely dehumanizing.  When do I get something?  Anything?  A 'how are you, really?', a thoughtful tip, a smile?  Sometimes it feels like I'm scratching the bottom of my barrel of joy, life, love.

I have kneeled in the bathroom, door locked, or in the alley behind the recycling bins, and begged for more joy, begged for a servant's heart.  Because the truth is, my Lord served unto death.  He served the petty and the foolish and the entirely self-centered, with no return and very, very little affirmation.  Usually, He was misunderstood, and His love stood alone.  So I beg, and pray, and try to reset my heart upon His love, and try to act joyful.  Sometimes it works, in that my heart is changed.  Most of the time, really.  But sometimes I just have to fight through it.

Exercising thankfulness helps, too.  Be grateful in all circumstances, He says.  Because His goodness supersedes all, and brings joy, life, hope, to all.  So I try to think about what I'm grateful for in my job.  A paycheck.  Bosses that are concerned with my welfare, and who apologize when they're wrong.  Coworkers who enjoy each other.  The ability to play worship music while I close sometimes.  Good, good music.  The chance to pray with folks.  The chance to make friends and take people sailing.  Free sun-dried Kenyan coffee, occasionally.  Dollar-off beers.

And seeking to love folks can bring life too.  Seems counter-intuitive, that to further serve a customer would give you more energy when you are totally depleted already.  But love is a deep well, deeper than the law of what I'm 'supposed to do'.

It helps me when I come to work early, too.  And stay late.  And drop by even when I'm off.  My gut reaction, when work becomes a bore, or frustrating, is to get away.  As far away as possible, for as long as possible.  Get cut, get off, get away.  But, if I'm truly to do everything as though to the Lord Himself, that's not going to cut it.  So, to spur a right attitude of service, I can come in early.  Instead of structuring my day, and thereby my heart, to avoid that to which I truly believe I am called, I can act like it's something given for me to grow in, and love in, and do well in.  I can invest in what I am called to love... and love grows.  Keller mentioned it in a sermon I listened to last week, that in relationship, when everything feels dry, enact love, and love will grow.  It is true at work, for sure.

These are some rambling thoughts on work, but have been very apparent to me of late, and worth sharing.  Most of us find ourselves oscillating between enjoying and despising our jobs- time to let the gospel level our emotions.