I had a friend who I met with regularly to talk about life and God and all things between (read: everything). We met at a church function, and grabbed lunch soon after. I intended to encourage some of his present pursuits, and give whatever wisdom I could to his moves towards independence from his parents. But it quickly became clear that much something much greater lay beneath the surface. It seemed like he was ready for independence less and less, and more and more trapped in sin and pride than I imagined. Lunch went from a pleasant, 'let's work through some practicals of life' to 'dude, you're totally in the wrong here, and are messing everything up yourself.' To which he responded 'yeah, I know, but I'm going to do what I want anyway.'
I was pretty confident I had lost him as a friend and brother at that point. But, he kept answering my calls, kept wanting to hang out. So we did, and we hung out and we talked. And it became increasingly apparent that he had nothing in order. His life was a mess of insecurity and manipulation. I tried to find areas of life where things were going well for him, and frankly, none existed. His life was falling apart, largely due to his own brokenness*.
So, I created a plan. Clearly he needed some Jesus, some conviction, some change. So, of course, I found a Tim Keller book I thought we could study together. "Counterfeit Gods", I figured, hits about every major sin in my friend's life, so maybe with a book study we could discuss them all without me actually having to say 'wow, you're screwing everything up yourself'. Which he was, he'll admit it.
But, in some excellent foresight, the Lord never let me get around to buying him a copy. Because soon thereafter I invited him to spend the night at my house. He rode home with me, and sitting in the car on my driveway, talking about his family issues, he said very bluntly that he had never belonged anywhere. He never had a home, never felt loved, never felt safe. And so I shared the gospel with him, in the language of his brokenness. Jesus died for your sins, yeah, he knew that. But Jesus died to be with him, to invite my friend into perfect Community, perfect Love. Jesus died so my friend could belong. And he was stunned.
The Lord was on his tail, and eventually caught up to him**. He surrendered to the Lord a few months later, and his life has never been the same. Everything, I mean everything that I had seen as sin in his life, the Lord has redeemed, transformed, taken away. And he still struggles, sure. But with hope, life, joy, purpose. It still blows me away- every conversation with him encourages me to this day. Because I saw God totally save him. Saved. That's the right word, much as its been overused and watered down. From death to life. Its amazing. But it did not happen because I addressed the sin in his life. I saw it, I even intended to address it. But the Lord showed me the root of it all before I had the chance, and in applying the gospel to the root of sin (fear, insecurity, loneliness, pride), sin was conquered.
All that to say, accountability is not a matter of sin-eradication but gospel-propogation. Find the deeper roots of surficial sins, and pull them out with a steady dose of gospel, of the love of God. Accountability will look different in application for everyone, but it will always begin the same- Jesus, the love, wisdom, and power of God, applied to sin. We must rely on the Spirit, in creativity and wisdom, to apply it rightly in our present circumstances.
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* Some of his own making, and some brought on by others,
** His coming to the Lord involved more than our one conversation. We also took a road trip together to spend time with some friends of mine who really love the Lord. That trip opened his eyes to the way grace-filled community works and feels, as we poured out our hearts to each other and encouraged each other in the faith. I had a blast, and he was dead silent. I thought he hated it- turns out he was soaking it all up. I was actually disappointed that he and I, in the 8 hours we spent in the car together, never got around to talking about God much. Didn't matter- the Lord was showing my friend His goodness anyhow.
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