Thursday, May 10, 2012

A Letter to Myself, or, the End of a Year in Review

Last summer I interned with a great group of folks up in Greenville, SC, at Radius, a sweet church up thataway.  At the end of our time together, we were asked to write ourselves letter, to be received one year in the future.  I believe the prompt was, 'what would God like your future self to read?' or something like that.  I got my letter last week, and figured I'd share, particularly after the past two posts.  It encouraged me a bunch.  I say some of this to myself regularly, but had forgotten much of the beauty of what God had done.

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Gosh, Drew.  Writing you a letter.  This is hard, kind of awkward.

1- Remember how Cortney told you that God loves you so much.  Remember when Caroline rejoiced over where God was bringing you?  Remember how Blake cried, saying God was heartbroken about my struggle to rejoice in Him?
2- Remember how much you loved reading about the Israelites in the desert?  Remember how the psalms rang out to the depths of your soul?  How often Deuteronomy mentions holding fast, and clinging to God?
3-Remember how much pride you had, lust after evil?  Remember how close you were to running?
Remember the glories of God in creation?  How they drew you back.  How the fireflies were too beautiful, sunrise and sunset, the mountains.   Girls, their beauty.
Remember all the flashcards you made of God's faithfulness?  Of the many times he directly revealed his love for you?  Healing your knee, using you to love others, freeing you from guilt.  Could anything good really come from you?
Remember how you were affirmed as a pastor?  How many times you loved strangely?  When you walked over and gave so-and-so a fro-yo, or when you organized the group thing for that person?  or when you spoke into that guy's pursuit of you?
Remember when you rejoiced in the glory of God, in his plan?  Remember when you chose to be obedient in Baptism? Remember when you cried over God's love for you in middle school?  Remember all the times you have screwed up relationships?  Remember that God forgives you from that?
Remember how much you love people that love Jesus?  How much you long for eternity, and perfect relationship?
Remember how Israel turned away, and how God broke them?  And brought them back?  Remember how freedom and the promised land are not the same?

Remember when you sat in a garden in SA and asked God if you were called to be a pastor, and you felt him say "Dumb questions"?  Smile.  Remember when he said Amazing Grace, and then David Sadd played it?  Remember walking with Sally, sharing that you struggled to hear God, and finding joy in her companionship in that?
Remember the times I have been told to be grateful for anything at all?  Remember how gracious, generous God is?  Remember that walking with him is often normal, not crazy,
Remember how much freedom is in believing that God loves you?  He loves you.  He really does.  All of this proves it.  You know this.  God. loves. you.  Preach it to yourself.  He protects you.  He guides you.  He speaks all that He needs to, in many ways.  You have to believe this.  Because it's true.  All facts point to this.  Your emotions are a gift from God, often.  But they do not define you.  Be strong and courageous, like Joshua.  Repent, like Paul and David.  Tell your soul to hope in God.  You will again praise Him.


Jesus died for you.  Died.  And I know it can be hard to believe.  But the Spirit is in you.  You are ok.  you are loved.  You don't have to have the perfect ministry.  You can lead worship for a big church.  OR you can be a janitor who loves kids.  It doesn't matter.  God.  saved. you.  Even in your imperfect ministry.  Relationships.  Faith.


You just ran laps around the garden.  You spent yesterday yelling, at the top of your lungs, about God's love for you, and his voice in His church.  You are intimidated by a year without a plan, without a set community, without Radius.  But you just saw a firefly.  God loves you.  He will provide.


Love.  Worship.  Rejoice.  Hope in God.  He loves you, and everything is shouting it.  Including me.  You.  Listen.  Oh God loves you!  He does.    -Drew  Miller

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