Why I'm Single

Lately there has been much discussion over my relationship status.  A lot of folks have talked about setting me up on blind dates or with friends.  People have asked who I'm interested in, why I don't ask girls on dates, what kind of girl I'm looking for.

Here's the problem:  I'm not looking.

In high school, a buddy and I would stay up late, listing all the girls we were interested in in alphabetical order, A-Z.  We always fell asleep before reaching Z.  In college I crushed frequently.  Many girls stole my focus, sometimes even my hopes and dreams.  A lot of energy was expended waiting for the right one, wishing, waiting.  Even dating.

But for some reason, this year has been different.  Since the end of the summer, I really have not felt any kind of leaning towards dating.  I have no interest in it.  I definitely still notice cute girls.  I enjoy friendship with girls, and chatting, and I love the idea of creative dating.  But I honestly feel called too many other directions.

And, for the first time in a long time, I'm absolutely satisfied with that.  I'm not concerned.  I realize that not dating and not looking means that you may not get married.   Frankly, that's fine with me.  I want that intimacy, commitment, physicality.  Yet, my position as a son of God provides more intimacy and commitment than any relationship.  And physicality- that I can give up.  I'm not worried about being alone, because I'm not.  And I'm not preoccupied with finding the one, because I know that I don't need to.  And, to be honest, serious relationships seriously hamper what I can do.  A married man can't pour all His effort into a small group of younger guys.  He can't hop a plane and serve elsewhere for months.  It becomes much more difficult to live a life of radical simplicity.  I understand Paul when he says that marriage divides the devotion of a man.  That does not mean that marriage is wrong, or that singleness is better.  It simply means that you have more time and less responsibility as a single man.  Which mean, when a friends wants to skate at 11 at night, I can.  When I'm asked to pick up an extra shift at work, or lead worship for a new worship night, I can.  I can work 30 hour workweeks and pay rent and spend the rest of the time pursuing community and pastoring those around me.  There's freedom there.

Now, a relationship offers some pretty incredible things.  Constant communal decision making.  Complete vulnerability.  Extreme sharing and encouraging.  Exponentially more work can be done with two people.  So I'm not writing marriage off.  But I have no interest in pursuing it because it's what you do at my age, and I have no interest in pursuing it out of loneliness or a need to fill.  Let Christ fill my loneliness, His body on earth my needs.  Neither loneliness or needs are voices easily quelled, even as we seek to pursue Christ.  But ultimately, neither voice ought be followed as the determinate of our actions.  Instead, we should be seeking the voice of the Lord, in prayer, fasting, reading, community.  And, since I have no compulsion to seek, and no sense of calling to get married, I'm pouring my effort elsewhere.  Into Kudu, into my Impact guys, into the church.  Until I feel lead otherwise, I will remain single.  Eyes open, ears listening.  But not looking.